Best foot forward.

Put your best foot forward.

What?

No, seriously: What?

What does that even mean? I mean, I know what it means, but what does it mean?

So I’m just supposed to pick a foot and shove it out there and say yup, there you go, that’s my best one, a prime example of all I have to offer, hope you like it?

And, so, what, now I’m just standing there with one foot slightly ahead of the other in some sort of dopey half-step? Like that’s supposed to impress everybody?

And, hey, while I’m thinking about it, how can I have a best foot? Doesn’t best imply three or more? You know, because something is better than better?

OK, technically, yes, if it’s the better of just two, fine, sure, we can call it best, but that’s a lame excuse. So why don’t we just say put your better foot forward? It’s not like there’s anybody out there walking around with seven legs and they have to figure out which one to shove into somebody’s face to make a solid first impression, right?

I mean, come on.

And what’s a person to do if he or she has two feet of equal quality? I’m looking at my feet, and to tell you the truth, I can’t for the life of me figure out if the right is better than the left or vice versa. Do I just pick one at random? Lie to a total stranger and say Why, yes, this is the better of the two?

And why feet? Is a potential employer or first date or otherwise person of high importance really going to care about my feet?

My feet?

Maybe if I was auditioning to be a shoe model. Maybe. But otherwise? Yeah. I didn’t think so.

I mean, come on, people.

Put your best foot forward.

Yeah, I got somewhere you can put your best foot.


copyright 2014 David Cornelius all rights reserved

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